ellenscult: (boats)
My plan to drag myself out from under my rock is going well (for a given value of well) - replied to comments on my last post, chatted with some of my extended family on WhatsApp, actually phoned my parents, and talked to my parents-in-law. Couldn't FaceTime with Al yesterday evening, but I was already in bed and dozing off, sorry!

I did get a fun-filled exciting trip to the vet on Friday - while I was outside very slowly gathering up the hedge clippings (still to finish, there's a lot of hedge and also a lot of rain), Dante nipped Planck's ear and put a hole in it that's taken a couple of stitches to close. This, the day after I'd paid off some of the existing bill... *sigh* The vet duly laughed at me when I mentioned it, and agreed it'd be a good idea if I took a course to learn to suture. Think the St John's Ambulance lot do one, or should I just rewatch Grey's Anatomy and ER?

DH's first week in his new job went well; there's a lot to learn and a lot to catch up on, of course, but he's great at picking things up and I have faith he'll get there.

This week my plan is to get some writing done, a bit of gardening (by which I mean pick up the hedge clippings and the dog poo, cut the grass if it stops raining for long enough, and burn the weeds with a propane blowtorch without burning down the barn or any more of the hedge), and keep up with the housework. I also have the first of 6 sessions of counselling at my GPs tomorrow afternoon - I need to talk things out and there's a promise of maybe some CBT to help my anxiety, depression and chronic pain, which isn't that painful, but it is chronic, thanks to my ME. This autumn marks 14 years since I had glandular fever, which triggered the ME. I don't know whether to feel down about not being able to do anything like the level of activity I used to, or to feel good that I managed to do so much for so long - a decline in my health (other than normal aging) is very much not inevitable, but I've not had the energy, enthusiasm, time, money, etc, to do much in the way of exercise over the last few years. It's really hard not to simply hide under my duvet when DH is having a bad day and I can't actually afford to buy groceries.

Living out here is beautiful and quiet; there's space and I have dogs who keep me smiling. It's also very isolating, especially when I can't face picking up the phone to call anyone, and I can't face even opening my email. I've done a lot of knitting and that's done a lot to keep me going. And this is all very depressing for a Monday morning, which wasn't my intention at all, but it seems that now I'm posting on here again, a lot of stuff is getting dredged up. Eh. Time for a cuppa and Popmaster on Radio 2, then writing, then hoovering the house, and that'll carry me through to lunchtime, so that'll do for now. Have a great week, y'all, I'll likely feel better in the afternoon.
ellenscult: (serenity)
I did too much yesterday, and yes, I was aware of that at the time, but there are times when things have to be done and if I don't do them, well... yeah... So today I got up with my alarm (hurrah!) and had an ecstatic good morning greeting from the dogs, especially Dante who snuggles and wriggles and nibbles fingers and toes and my hair and ears and just wants love and affection. Best way to wake up ever! That's the highlight of the day, though. I'm at the stage now, hours later, where I can talk properly and lift my feet up rather than dragging them when I walk, but I haven't showered yet and I probably won't today. Eh, the dogs don't complain that I'm smelly (although they sometimes come and sniff my bellybutton just because, go figure). And that leads my distractible ME brain to a Daily Mail (shock, horror!) article on fat deposits based on hormones - flabby belly is apparently too much cortisol. Yeah, there's a shocker - I was a stressed baby and have remained stressed ever since, and the events of the last 4 and a half years haven't helped, though I admit the many bottles of red wine haven't helped. Still, I'm losing weight slowly and am down to drinking a bottle of wine every fortnight or so, which is all good.

I was going to pass along the raincoat I made to Jerry's Aunt Yvonne because I think she'd like it even though it's shocking pink with a blue chinese-pattern silky lining, and she's, like, a size 10 (UK; 8 US, I think, or 4 Hollywood, it seems, bizzarely) and it's a medium 12 and I'm... most definitely not! lol Anyway, Jerry said to hang onto it as something to aim for. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I even made a matching handbag, btw. Must take a photo and post it! Yeah, this is from my 3 years of dressmaking evening classes at York College, back when I was doing lots and lots and wasn't totally craptastic thanks to the ME, bah humbug.

So, yeah, brain fade, mobility problems, body temperature regulation problems - doing very little today in the hopes that tomorrow I'll be fine. I'm a wee bit worried because J's taken the dogs out to Tardree Forest by himself; he still has problems with anxiety and temper control, and there's a fair chance that when he gets back he'll be upset and angry and want a hand with the dogs - they'll need hosing off and drying, probably, before they come back into the house - and I've retreated upstairs to the bedroom where I can pile up my duvets and stay warm and comfy and going outside to hose down the dogs and dry them off will wipe out the progress I've made through the day, but I can't say no because the cold water makes his hands excruciatingly painful and leaves him in a terrible mood.

Eh, can't win. And my brain's struggling, so I'm giving up on today's post. I'll catch you tomorrow, which will be a much better day. Because I say so.
ellenscult: (not)
Today definitely falls more on the 'fail' side of things. My To Do list remains undone. Yup, it's another day of tiredness. Bah, humbug! I was asleep before 4am, though, and got up when my alarm went off; I even had a shower, washed my hair and scrubbed down the tub. These count as a win, go me! I do get fed up of living in a world where my ME makes these goals to aim for rather than a normal part of my everyday routine... *sigh* Other wins are: feeding the dogs, feeding my husband and stacking the dishwasher. That's pretty much it. Meh.

I have retreated upstairs to the darkness and solitude of the bedroom. I may attempt my language practise. Otherwise that's it for today, nothing to do now but sleep.
ellenscult: (perky)
Well, it's been a long time since I've updated my journal. If I find I've become so used to keeping my thoughts to myself that it's hard to get them out. I stopped writing, even mostly stopped telling myself bedtime stories, which is something I've only done once before, and that made me very unhappy. I'm locked inside my head. I'm not sure if it's the depression, or the antidepressants, or if it's just habit from when I couldn't talk about anything that was happening in case it made things worse. In any case, it's actually painful for me to get words out, let alone put them down on the page.

Not an excuse, I know, but an explanation.

Anyway, this is me trying to get words out again. if I can update this journal every day, it should get easier, right? Like exercising every day. Not that I do that either, since my ME is worse, but it's the thought that counts!

What's new? I guess that depends on when I last updated. I'm unemployed, since I'm a full-time carer for my husband. I doubt I could hold down even a part-time job at the moment, anyway. So I spend my time looking after Jerry, the dogs, the house, knitting, and reading an awful lot of fanfic. It's very quiet, but that's for the best. I say quiet, but a tractor has just pulled into the field next door and is spraying slurry. Mm!

We have three dogs now; in addition to Planck and Newton, we adopted Dante from the animal sanctuary at the end of last August. He is a Belgian Shepherd, around eighteen months old, and the three dogs get along very well. Hurrah!

Today I'm tired. I made paper logs last night from all the cardboard packaging and junk mail. It's quite a physical process, and there was a lot of waste paper to get through. So, twenty logs later, today I'm tired and I don't think I'll be going shopping. Enough updating! Dragon Dictate is annoying me and I haven't the brain or the patience to deal with it. I'll try again tomorrow.
ellenscult: (funky)
On Saturday, I got to see my godson, his shiny new sister and his parents on Saturday, which was ace, even if all the frogs and frogspawn seem mysteriously to have vanished from the pond. On Sunday, I met up with my older sister and her mum and step-dad over at Lotherton Hall and got to go round the bird garden and see an Andean condor, a hornbill and some rheas, among many other birds, then went home and played D&D. And yesterday I couldn't get my brain into gear at all, spent an out-of-focus day on the sofa with some SG-1 fanfic, and in the evening, cut for being a bit depressing )

I didn't sleep well over the long weekend, least of all last night. I'm tired and I'm shaky and I'm going to be out of touch for a while, in all probability. Hopefully I'll get my batteries charged this week and be back in the saddle again soon.
ellenscult: (too pretty)
Five things make a post...

1. The guy who tried to attack [livejournal.com profile] ravenlas was found guilty, ordered to pay compensation and court costs. I can't help but hear Margie (Fargo) tutting and saying 'All for a little bit o' money!' - well, all for a little bit o' impatience. That garage visit has cost the guy a criminal record and £360 quid. *sigh* Not his finest Sunday afternoon, I'm betting...

2. The holiday was lovely; I got a lot of knitting done and not a lot of skiing, but enjoyed myself anyway. I managed not to be too frustrated at not having the oomph to get out skiing until the Thursday. It's a waste of good ski hire, but equally, I got out eventually. I highly recommend staying in a Le Ski chalet - we were looked after brilliantly by Ben, Elise and Poppy, even to the extent of baking gluten and dairy free shortbread and flapjacks so that I had something to have for afternoon tea. Awesome! I'm going to try baking some shortbread as that was so tasty.

3. The Xbox 360 Elite wot I got for my dearly beloved for our quarter anniversary should as of today be winging its way back to Play.com (intermittent graphics fault) and we should have the replacement by the end of the week. I hope.

4. I'm still tired, still lacking in stamina, so I'm cutting right down on 'doing things'. I'm attempting to stick to a 10pm bedtime (gah!) and take a 5 minute break in every hour to sit or lie down without distraction, etc, which is harder to manage than I'd have thought, especially since I don't particularly want to. I need to conserve more energy to my HPA-axis will fix itself, but I don't want to not do *anything* at all - I need to exercise! I don't want my weight to go up any further! I'm not entirely sure how to reconcile all this, but I'm working on it.

5. Hard Times isn't as difficult as people made out. The 1951 recording of Aida with Maria Callas, Del Monaco, Taddei, Dominguez, conducted by De Fabritis, is absolutely incredible. Recorded live in Mexico City. Wow! Watchmen is visually stunning, quite slow (thus allowing for appreciation of the stunning visuals), very well done and has animated giant blue wang. So what's not to like?

I meant to put up some links to fantastic things, I really did. Maybe I'll post a five links post later...

Gah!

Nov. 4th, 2008 06:26 am
ellenscult: (words are meaningless)
So it turns out that sleep is for... people who don't wake up at ten to two and then fail miserably to get back to sleep.

Today is going to be interesting. Just saying.*

Still intending on G.E.D. stuff, going to writing group this evening, etc.


*roughly translated, this means: if I'm grumpy - and you betcha I will be - it's not personal.
ellenscult: (bunk)
Dropping out of sight... )
ellenscult: (dressmaking)
Last night was my last dressmaking class. The moderator came in and looked at all my stuff, as well as other people's work. He ticked all the boxes. I passed.

Farewell, adieu, o world of learning. Yes, it's a bit ranty. )

For those who are interested in such things, this is my pile o' stuff:
  • 1 blouse, flower-patterned, cotton with lycra
  • 1 kirtle, dark green wool with linen part-lining, handsewn
  • 2 linen shifts, white, handsewn
  • embroidery project: C16th blackwork on the cuffs of one of the shifts, folder with write-up and examples
  • textiles project: naalbound hat & mittens in Asle stitch, felted naalbound bag in Oslo stitch, folder with write-up and examples
  • sketchbook with original designs
  • craft book showing pattern construction
  • folder containing samples of sewing techniques


Yeah, it was a good year.
ellenscult: (glima)
Several random things...

1. Lincoln was lovely. It was rather special to be able to camp in the grounds of the castle, and I really enjoyed bimbling around in my medieval outfit, making stuff and chatting and relaxing.

2. Must make a List for packing, and also acquire a TARDIS or a larger car. Packing is Not FunTM.

3. Nice to see folks at the Theatre Royal sale. I bought all their remaining fox furs and a couple of pieces of silk. And a blouse.

4. When running round like a loony, doing mad frantic last-minute sewing and having just written a clean, postable 32,000 word fanfic novella in 2 weeks, and being in the middle of hoiking stuff out to pack into a Fiesta to go away for my first ever reenactment event, that's the time my oomph will vanish out from under me, and I will fall into the Slough of Despond AND the Pit of Despair. I love writing, but the come-down's a bitch. Also, [livejournal.com profile] alasdair1076 is wonderful and I'm extremely glad he's my best friend.

5. [livejournal.com profile] ravenlas is a truly amazing man, and is very, very hot in a doublet and hose. *fans self* Truly I am a very lucky woman! No, I have no photos. This time. Next time, though... *grin* And he is wonderful with Aspergic kids.

6. Got a lot of work to get through this week. Posting this (and Correspondence Course over on [livejournal.com profile] the_proofreader) is not getting it done. So. I may be slow to reply to comments, emails etc.

7. RIP Audrey Chapman, a very brave and fierce woman. She had a hard life, and I hope now she has some peace. I'll miss her.

8. There is no number 8. Oh well. Tumty-tumty-something... nope. Gone. *shrug*

So I shall go too. Tea break's over. Back on my head.
ellenscult: (sewing)
My brain is mush... )

Edit: Interestingly, I took an online Aspie test to see how my brain is doing (thanks to John Scalzi). And today, I'm Aspergic. I scored 158/200 on the Aspie score, and only 98/200 on the neurotypical (non-Aspie) score. I bet if I take the quiz again at the end of next week, I'll score completely differently. Hmmm... Oh, the joys of being a Gemini, and having a brain which runs in several different configurations, making me several different people at once. What shall I wear today? Who shall I be today? Yeah... today I am an aspie and my brain is mush. How're you doing?
ellenscult: (glima)
I've more-or-less decided to take the house back off the market and stay put, at least until next year. The decision leaves me feeling lighter, happier, relieved. It's probably the right one, then.

So, sheds and painting and pointing and suchlike! Anyone fancy lending a hand? I could maybe do with one for pulling boxes back out of storage on Saturday morning. Mind you, the exercise will do me good. I shall see if I can take some of it to work: there's a very large back room we don't use.

And I've revised an old short story, and [livejournal.com profile] alasdair1076 has very, very kindly agreed to be my submissions fairy, as I'm rubbish at actually sending things out.

I even got around to booking the car in at Faber to get the exhaust fixed.

I have another story to revise tonight, and a waistband to put on a skirt.

And I have the urge to re-read The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock, rather than fanfic.

Normal service is slowly being resumed. Thank goodness for that! About time, too.
ellenscult: (bunk)
I'm feeling the urge to curl up and hide from the world. I'm not sure why. I'm wanting to give up on trying to sell the house, and just stay where I am, maybe fix it up nice, put a big shed at the bottom of the garden.

*sigh*

Anyone want to buy a house? Anyone have a spare attic/garage/spare room I can fill with junk for a month? Anybody fancy helping me do a spot of painting?

And can anyone recommend someone for shed-building, pointing, guttering?

Here's a pin and here's a pingle
Porcupines are always single
Poor old 'pines, they must not mingle
Pingle, pangle, pingle

The Bagpuss mice being surprisingly rude... ;-)

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