Mental Health Day

[ellenscult]

Yesterday I had my first counselling session with a wonderful lady; I think it's going to help immensely. For a start, it's helping me clarify what issues I have, where I want to be, and what will help me get there. I've been a carer for the last six and a half years, full-time for the last four; it was a very traumatic adjustment into being a carer, and now I need to learn how not to be one, how to reframe my sense of self, my perspective. I'm still depressed, but nowhere near as much as, say, last year. I still have anxiety, but it tends to be specific rather than general, which is something I've had most of my life. Within the constraints of my ME, I need to get some exercise - my physical condition is poor, worse than it's been since I had glandular fever (which, btw, will be 14 years ago this September) and subsequently spent 6 months pretty much asleep. And I need to make up my mind whether or not babies will be a part of my life, our lives. DH and I were talking about that back when I was 35, and now I'm 41. Clock's ticking! There's health, mental health, finances and inclinations to take into consideration. Also, genetically speaking, my totally amazing nephew, Dan, is mine. *heh* Benefits of being an identical twin! Is that enough? Should it be? I really wish I could ask my 50 year old self which way to go on this one!

Anyway, my homework this week is to take some time every day and do something just for me. So today I've watched a couple of episodes of the Great British Sewing Bee and done my nails (badly, but I don't care). I've had a cuppa and a slice of Ethel's fab cake. I've come out from under my rock and said hi. And once I've finished nattering on here I'm going to check the Wimbledon scores and sew the ears on the Failynn Fox Cowl I knitted yesterday for Ethel's grandson. Yay, barter! Better get used to it if the Pound keeps on tanking... Anyone fancy coming and doing some housework or gardening in exchange for knitted things? No? Oh, well, never mind.

So, yeah, today I'm feeling a little more upbeat, a little more as though I can actually do things, want things just for me, have the possibility of a wider life. We'll see. 

Comments

[makyo.livejournal.com]

It's nice to hear from you again, and I'm glad you and DH are gradually emerging from the nightmare his ex-employers put you through - it sounded awful.

I hope the babies thing works out for you. I never wanted children for years and years, it took A about two or three years to talk me into the idea, and I was still very daunted (actually, horrified wouldn't be an exaggeration) until the last few days before Daughter was born. But she's been absolutely splendid - lovely, fascinating, clever and hilarious. All the things I was afraid of have either not been as bad as I feared, or not happened at all.

[ellenscult]

Hi! *hugs* It's lovely to hear from you too. It was awful; it's not now, thank goodness.

I'm leaning more towards yes to babies; I'm coming to realise that a lot of my thinking on the subject over the past few years has been 'can't' rather than 'don't want to'. I'm so glad A talked you into having Daughter - she sounds like an amazing and wonderful person and I just want to hand out big hugs and tell you and A well done for bringing her into the world and helping her become her fantastic self. Thank you for sharing that - the whole idea of bringing another person into this world is immensely daunting, and my entire family subscribe to the Philip Larkin poem 'This Be The Verse', which starts They fuck you up, your mum and dad./They may not mean to, but they do. It may be accurate (and delightfully misanthropic), but as a family philosophy it isn't all that helpful!