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Estrogen, Pregnancy and Women
PREGNANCY Q & A plus more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
ESTROGEN ISSUES
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4.. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cat's facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.**
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Pierre, the Fighter Pilot
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out on a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
Life in brief: climbing at The Foundry with Chris yesterday lunchtime, much fun, and last night at Leeds Wall with James, Fleur, Elaine (wanolj) and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ravenlas. I'm planning on tidying up the living room tonight, and it's more climbing (afaik) at Liverpool tomorrow. Apart from that, I need more sleep. And that's about it for now.
PREGNANCY Q & A plus more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
ESTROGEN ISSUES
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4.. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cat's facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.**
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Pierre, the Fighter Pilot
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out on a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
Life in brief: climbing at The Foundry with Chris yesterday lunchtime, much fun, and last night at Leeds Wall with James, Fleur, Elaine (wanolj) and
ravenlas. I'm planning on tidying up the living room tonight, and it's more climbing (afaik) at Liverpool tomorrow. Apart from that, I need more sleep. And that's about it for now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 11:48 am (UTC)From:What time pickup tomorrow?
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Date: 2004-11-12 12:16 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:01 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:19 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:21 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:23 pm (UTC)From:Ok, what time at the station then?
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:30 pm (UTC)From:Possible?
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:33 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 02:52 pm (UTC)From: